Abusive father(s)

It's been weeks since this piece of news of Josef Fritzl first surfaced and I've been following the news almost on a daily basis. And here's the latest news as of today. I do think that regardless whether it is sexual abuse or physical abuse on your OWN child, it's the worst thing one can ever do.

I was recently told by someone, that my father isn't that bad at all in comparison with the incest pig. I've been controlling myself not to swear here but I just can't help it. Well, to that person who made the statement...

FUCK YOU. It doesn't mean my father didn't rape me, my father is better. It doesn't mean my father didn't lock me up for 24 years, he's better.

Anyone who abuse their child physically, is WRONG and there's no better or worse situation. The physical and the psychology pain and trauma caused cannot be changed.

I never believe in Forgive & Forget as I strongly feel that, when you can't forget, you can't forgive. When I was 10, my father gave me a tight slap. It was so bad I had a bruise on my lips and wouldn't go for days. You may think that I might have done something wrong and you may even consider that SLAP only a physical punishment. It happened more than a decade ago and I still remember what happened.

Basically, my mom brought my brother and myself to Uncle Richard's place from afternoon and only return home slightly passed midnight. The moment we stepped into the house, we saw my dad standing at the doorway and without a second word, he grabbed my hair and slapped me across my face.

My mom, my brother or even that Bastard may have forgotten this incident. But I did not.

I remember the next day, my father hugged me real tight and apologized. I was rather "mature" for a 10 year old I guess, and I told him

I accept the apology but it doesn't mean I forgive you. I hate you.

Okay, very KUAI LAN I know, very mean and basically I didn't forgive him at all.

I am not one who will submit to unfairness and injustice.

At that time, all I know was that I didn't do anything wrong and I shouldn't be slapped. As I grew older, I thought of what went through that Bastard's shitty brain, I was disgusted! I rather not share this bit here.

And yes, as years went by, the abuse became more harsh, more severe and more constant. I went to school and even to work with bruises that I couldn't talk about. The last time the Bastard tried to hit me and declare that he'll kill me in my sleep was just 6 months ago. 6 months ago, I was already 23.

For 14 years, I couldn't talk to anyone in the family about the abuse. I can only talk to friends or colleagues to get some warmth and some understanding. I never want anyone to sympathise me, all I need was someone to know that life at home for me for the passed 14 years isn't easy.

I cry at night whenever I think of how the Bastard would pull my hair, the bruises I've to attend to myself, the taste of the blood in my mouth, how I went breathless after he tried to kill me with his bare hands, how he knocked my head against the wall, how he break the door of the toilet down when I was bathing inside there.

I'm proud of myself that I've never once submit to him. I've never once allow him to beat me without fighting back.

To think back... In 2004, a fight broke out at home during Chinese New Year. He once again punched me on the face and grabbed me by the hair and knock (it's a word too subtle for this action) my head against the wall. I fought back real hard this time. My brother held him in time for me to punch him repeatedly on his eyes and nose. No, my brother wasn't trying to pin the Bastard down for me to whack to hella outta him. My brother was just trying to stop him from hitting me.

According to a family member, the Bastard bled severely and the family decided to take me to court. Aren't my family funny? They didn't bother to ask if their daughter, sister, niece, cousin was alright. I laugh when I heard that. I knew very well that the police would not take any action as I was just as hurt.

I didn't expect that Josef Fritzl can actually inspire me to blog about this... I've never once mentioned before how much I hated the bastard and I do hope that even after he dies, he rots in hell. I really can't wait for that day to come. At the same time, if I ever die suddenly, it really could be him who murdered me and I appreciate that this entry be submitted to the police.

Finally, I'm going away

Not like going really far far away... Just taking a rest soon.

I'm going to swim, going to sleep, going to eat and basically relax. (Talking about relaxing, I've recently gone for a SPA and had my first massage. Frigging good and I like it. I like the milk bath too.)

Everything that has to be booked and reserved has been done and I'm just looking forward for my little holiday.

Hur... I can have "secret" getaways too.

I was so tired that I basically dozed off at 7 pm just now. I woke up around 10.30 pm and was terrified at something I saw. It was ex-screamly disgusting. I do hope I do not have to see the "real" thing any time soon.

Okay, bedtime.

Josef Fritzl - The sick bastard

This piece of news shocked me. There are more news' links and information about this sick bastard on Wikipedia.

At Zhou's Kitchen

Fish

I had cravings from Fish Soup Noodle today and I forced him to share it with me, just in case I can only finish the soup and noodle. Don't waste the fish...

Guess what?

He had to finish all the fried fish as I only had a small slice of fish in the mouth for less than 5 seconds and I spat it out.

Stinko!

I realised that after 1.5 months for not touching fish meat, it actually taste extremely bad the next time you've it. Oh yes, I had 2 slices of sashimi on the birthday dinner with the girls, but I really have to force it down the throat. The last time I had fishcake and canned tuna, I had a hard time finishing it too. (Even now, blogging about it, I feel like throwing up.)

I think that's the end of my relationship with fishes... I can't eat them anymore. All thanks to the Unagi which had it's fishbone stucked in my throat last month...

No nuts, no fish... Heng ar, Foie Gras is neither nut or fish.

Goodbye Salmon. Goodbye Unagi. Goodbye Swordfish. Goodbye Soon Hock. Goodbye Goldfish. Goodbye... Whatever.

Heh heh... On a happier note, I think I will not have any problems with shark's bone nor shark's fin soup lah. So long as there's no bones and it's not stinko, I should be fine.

Hello there!

A very special someone has asked for my blog's link and I guess he would be reading this pretty soon.

*

=)

Why do people still talk to me?

A conversation between me and a real strange person, let's call this person SP.

SP: Everyday is a learning process you know?

Me: Uh huh... (Can't be bothered as I was busy with other things and SP has been talking for the passed 4567561321 hours.)

SP: We've to learn to work with everybody.

Me: (Buay tahan... SP's really talking too much) No. People just have to learn how to work or live with me. I'm good, nothing to learn already. (Obviously, trying to get SP to shut up already!)

SP: You cannot say that. Come to work must learn things one.

Me: Sorry hor, the company pays you to WORK, not to LEARN hor! Want to learn, go back to school okay!

SP: ...

Kao peh. Why must talk so much leh? Already show I'm not interested in the conversation already still come disturb me? Why must irritate me like that leh?

Some people just simply ask for it man!

I don't understand

I don't understand why some women choose to hang around in their workplace when it's obvious enough that they're not suitable at all.

Like a woman I know, particularly hates to use her brain. Okay lah, I'm not sure she has one in the first place. She's those I really feel like telling her,

"Hey! Why don't you be a prostitute? Don't have to use your brain, can play with men and I know you freaking love it. Can smoke and can drink!!! All you need to do is to spread your legs. I know you love that too!"

There's a man I feel like giving this advice too. But I know very well that there will be no women who will patronise him. He just have a face that is so screwed and nothing behind that look. So sad. Seriously, I believe his parents very much wanted to drown him the moment he was born.

Some people around us are really wasting food, air and water. They've should not exsist in the first place.

I just don't understand...

There you are

Hohoho

I just had a China Doll haircut. I look very cute lah... Will put up pictures soon. =)